Where to even begin?
I don't know the last time I even looked at my blog. I haven't thought about it in probably months. I haven't thought to take a picture of my food, or thought "that would be a good thing to share on UnBroken." Nothing. But thats okay! For the past couple of weeks UnBroken popped back into my mind. I knew I shoullllddd probably do something or say something or just something over here on UnBroken, but I just didn't. Its kind of like when you quit working out for a while and think it is impossible to go back. That it will be too hard, and even though you know you should, you just don't. It is kind of like that, but eventually you just gotta pull the trigger and get back at it. So here I am, back at it.
Since my last blog post, I have quit my job, gone to Georgia, and Seattle, and Uganda, and Greece. Nick has had a birthday, Nick and I have survived a major hurricane together (and our house didn't flood--PRAISE!!!), Nick's parents moved away, I have searched of a job, and searched some more, and some more, my women's bible study finished, I started a women's discipleship group through my church, summer came and went, my sister came to Texas for the first time since my wedding, and I have decided that I think God is calling us to stay here in Houston for a little while longer. Whew. That is more than I even thought had happened, but ya know, life happens.
Even though all of that has happened, I feel like I have been walking through all of those life moments in kind of a fog. This year has been hard. Nick and I have been married for just under a year and we both sat down the other day and were like "people say the first year of marriage is hard, but man, this year has really kicked our butts." Last week, there was a really hard, family tragedy that we had to walk through, but I felt the most alive I have felt in months. I feel like God is pulling me out of the fog and showing me why we have been walking through all of this hard for so long. God has been revealing to me the importance of being faithful. God is calling me to pray fervently about the hard things and to praise Him in all things. Even though this year has been SO hard, like as in, the single hardest year of my life, I think I have grown and learned an immense amount this year. I have been forced to lean on the Lord in all things. In the past, I have had some crutches to lean on. I have had my family, and my friends, and my Church to help hold me up, but this year all of those things have been kind of ripped away from me. Living in a city by myself has taught me that God IS enough. Here I am, still living in this city, and my feelings toward this city have not changed, but I have learned that He is enough. I've learned that a specific city, or my family, or my friends, or my Church are not what bring joy and purpose to my life, but God alone does that.
Don't get me wrong. I would love nothing more than to pack everything up and move back to Austin right this second, but I also think that I could not learn the things I have learned and am continuing to learn this year if I had just stayed in Austin. God is showing me that I cannot do it without Him. It is like I knew that, or at least I thought I knew that, but having all of my crutches taken out from under me has taught me what that looks like in a whole new way. I can't be a good wife, I can't be a good daughter, I can't be a good friend, I can't show enough grace, or forgive enough times, or love in a big enough way if I don't depend on Him for everything.
So what does that mean for UnBroken?
I really do believe that I am suppose to be pouring into people. I am suppose to be loving people and showing them that they are truly known and that someone cares about them. I think this time away from UnBroken has been absolutely necessary, but I think it is time to connect again and to begin pouring myself back out for others. Im not sure exactly what that looks like and if that means I will post multiple times a week or even every week, but I do know it means I need to begin giving of myself again. So, if you are like me and have sort of fallen off the horse and haven't been pouring yourself out for others, hop back on that horse with me. Lets start loving on some people again and get this party restarted!!!!
Love always, Syd